i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
