Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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