i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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