i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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