If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
