Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
