I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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