well most of my day revolves around power hour
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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