Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
