The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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