Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
