Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
