so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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