if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
