names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
