I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
