She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
