I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he thought i was a dude.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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