tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
