The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
