So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
