Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
