If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
