I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
