So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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