then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize