You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
