I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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