Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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