his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
