My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
