I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
