He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
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We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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