So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
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He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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