By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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