he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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