WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She said her name was "party"
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well I can't set my house on fire every night
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
