Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
