I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
