Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
