The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
