i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
