my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
