a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
