Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
