When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
