peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
