So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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