Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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