my sisters under your porch take her home
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
