I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize