Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize