I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
