Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
