what if I'm pregnant?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.