you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright