I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I love black thongs
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dating After Heartbreak
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"