Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?

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(817): what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!? http://tfl.nu/lfzq

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(949): View more from California

the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach

(1-949): View more from California

um or while having sex on a train

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(949): the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach (1-949): um or while having sex on a train http://tfl.nu/7ch7

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(646): View more from New York

The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.

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(646): The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song. http://tfl.nu/nwvh

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(407): View more from Florida

official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.

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(407): official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer. http://tfl.nu/fxe4

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(407): View more from Florida

It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

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(407): It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/o8fq

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.

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(308): Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies. http://tfl.nu/eijo

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(817): View more from Texas

I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.

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(817): I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve. http://tfl.nu/17gc

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(913): View more from Kansas

you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.

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(913): you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro. http://tfl.nu/rmdo

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(303): View more from Colorado

Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.

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(303): Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage. http://tfl.nu/kkp1

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(817): View more from Texas

He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round

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(817): He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round http://tfl.nu/7y9k

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(914): View more from New York

Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class

(1-914): View more from New York

that is WHY your in summer classes

(914): View more from New York

worth it

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(914): Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class (1-914): that is WHY your in summer classes (914): worth it http://tfl.nu/1hzd

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(806): View more from Texas

Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.

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(806): Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early. http://tfl.nu/6dqv

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.

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(304): Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad. http://tfl.nu/m6pm

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(619): View more from California

I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!

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(619): I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends! http://tfl.nu/6jqq

Replies (5) Good night (354) Bad night (644)
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(276): View more from Virginia

I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me

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(276): I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me http://tfl.nu/m1mj

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