i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
