these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
