yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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