Grow some girl-balls and come out already
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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