there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
