I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
