I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
