Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
