I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I could have mohawked her pubes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
