um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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