dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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