is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
