she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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