No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
